Dear Freaking Diary
by TamaraneanOnMars
Summary: At the time I had thought that it was nothing, but I looked back at it last night and I was all, 'Woah, I love Raven.' Beast Boy is given a little green diary by Cyborg, and he had no idea why he was actually using it. BBRae. Oneshot. Implied BBTerra.


***cowers under rock***

**I tried don't kill me please ;n;**

**Title: Dear Freaking Diary**

**Characters/Pairings: Beast Boy, Raven, BBRae, Terra, implied BBTerra**

**Summary: At the time I had thought that it was nothing, but I looked back at it last night and I was all, 'Woah, I love Raven!' Beast Boy is given a little green diary by Cyborg, and he had no idea why he was actually using it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, or any of it's characters.**

* * *

**Thursday 19th July 7:46 P.M.**

Dear freaking diary,

Why the Hell am I writing in you? I have better things to do. I haven't finished all the levels in Mega Monkeys yet. I have tofu to eat. I have team mates to talk to. So why, instead of doing all of these vitally important things, am I writing in a small, green book that I can do nothing with? Plus, really, Cy? You got me a green one? Real original.

Should I introduce myself? I'm not sure. This is my diary, after all. It's not like anyone's going to read it but me, so why should I introduce myself? I don't know why, but I wave this real weird feeling that I should. Like, in the furure, someone is going to find this, like, buried or something, and are going to read it and be all, 'Woah, this guy is brilliant! He should be known by everyone!' and get it published or something like that. That would be awesome.

So, I'm Beast Man, leader of the Teen Titans, epic band of famous heros that all look up to me as their king.

Joking, joking. I'm Beast Boy, part of the original five titans. The other four are Robin (the leader - who we don't look up to as our king, that's for damn sure), Starfire (she started dating Robin a couple of years ago, when we got back from a trip to Tokyo. It was about time, if you ask me), Cyborg (my best friend - and ultimate video game rival who I always beat) and Raven.

This may be a bit weird but I really want to talk about Raven. She is way creepy. She has grey skin and a red diamond thingy on her forehead and always wears blue and reads all the time and is super scary when she's mad. Like, holy freaking _Hell_, is she scary. She has four red eyes and speaks so that it sounds like loads of people at the same time - you know what all that adds up to? Oops-I've-got-to-go-change-my-trousers _terrifying_.

But other times she is, like, the best friend _ever_. Like, this one time years ago, there was the beast incident. Basically, since I got this disease called sakutia (which is the one that gave me the ability to change into animals and to be green and stuff), I've had this thing inside me that I didn't even know existed, but then I was fighting this guy called Adonis and we both got covered in loads of chemicals. Long story short, it made us beasts and when Adonis beast attacked Raven, I changed into a beast and saved her. Like, multiple times. And though this is all fine and dandy, when I wasn't the beast I was really cranky. I mainly took it out on Raven, too. Afterwards she was completely cool about it, and I think that's when I realized that she was one of the best friends I have and I have to stop calling her creepy and stuff. Sadly I forgot that a lot and called her it anyway, but that's beside the point. What I was trying to say was that I value her as a true friend.

Woah, I got really sappy there. I need to lighten this diary entry up.

Why is Peter Pan always in the air?

Because he Neverlands!

* * *

**Saturday 21st July 12:23 P.M.**

I think I was supposed to write an entry yesterday. Isn't this a daily thing? Oh well.

I don't think I could have written anything yesterday anyway, I was panicking too much. So, y'know how in my last entry, like, half of it was about Raven? Yeah, well, you probably should have guessed that I have the biggest crush on her in the history of crushes. I haven't told anyone because Raven would totally toss me out of a window if she found out. I know that that's probably not the type of girl I should have a crush on, but you can't help who you like, right? Plus she has loads of redeeming qualities. She's pretty, funny, smart. Most people don't realize because she has to hide her emotions, otherwise she would explode the tower or something. But I'm sure that if she didn't have to do that she would be really nice virtually all the time.

But, yesterday, I just got this sudden... epiphany thingy. I think that's what they're called. Like, a sudden realization. See, us Titans go on a weekly trip to the mall to stock up on food, and we all seem to buy our own books. Robin gets the Jump City weekly news to check if there's any new criminal activity that we don't know about, Starfire get's cook books, Cy gets books on mechanics, Raven goes to the fantasy section of the book store and I go to the comic books section.

So, I was looking for the latest issue of 'Batman and Robin' (Robin glared at me when he saw me reading it at the tower once. If looks could kill...) and suddenly I could smell a load of incense. Y'know how I have a really good sense of smell, thanks to my powers? Yeah, well, thanks to that, I almost fell over. When I turned around, I saw Raven standing beside me, looking at comic books.

Raven.

_Looking at comic books._

And all I could think was; '_Has the world turned upside down?_'

Before I could ask her what the Hell was she doing, she frowned. "Why are there no comics with female protagonists in suitable clothing?" She asked, picking a book of the shelf and flicking through the pages. I saw that it was a Black Canary comic and grimaced. From the cover, I could see what she meant. "What they're wearing... it doesn't seem practical."

"Why are you looking at comics?" I blurted before I could stop myself. She just raised an eyebrow at me before looking back at the comic.

"Why can't I look at comics?" She asked as she placed the Black Canary comic on the shelf before looking at some issues of 'The Walking Dead'.

I blinked. "Last time you saw me reading comics in the common room you told me it wasn't real reading and that you were surprised that, and I quote, 'I could read even that idiotic picture book'."

She suddenly looked uncomfortable, like she was trying to think of the right answer. "Well... I thought that... I could... give them a chance." She finally finished, but I was still skeptical. I mean, really, could you blame me? Raven hated comic books - well, last time I checked, she did. But, before I could mention this, I had a thought. Because if she got into comics, that would give us a common interest, right? So I could spend more time with her! And maybe, just maybe, I could get her to like me too!

So, later, we were in the common room talking about some comics we are both now into, and, now this is where the epiphany comes in, I got that feeling. It was the feeling I had gotten around Terra, when we had gone to that carnival (before the house of mirrors), except... stronger. At the time I had thought that it was nothing, but I looked back at it last night and I was all, 'Woah, I love Raven!'

Like, I realized that I don't just have a crush on Raven, like I thought I did, but it felt like actual love. Who'd have thought, y'know? At fist I thought she was just this really creepy girl who had no personality, like, whatsoever. I should have realized earlier, actually. Like, I always got this weird feeling around her, like my insides were melting, or something. But in a nice, totally not gross way. And on nights where we are all watching TV, she lets me turn into a dog and curl up next to her, and it feels really nice.

Oops, got to go make lunch.

* * *

**Sunday 22nd July 8:56 P.M.**

Nothing at all happened today. I am bored out of my mind.

* * *

**Monday 23rd July 5:23 P.M. **

I saw Terra again today.

Okay, so I didn't see _Terra_, I saw _Tara_, the girl that says she isn't Terra but looks, like, exactly the same. We went to the pizza place, all five of us, for lunch today. It was the normal routine - me and Cy arguing over which pizza to get, Robin and Starfire being quite, uh, _friendly_ and Raven watching me and Cy with an amused expression on her face. She's been doing that a lot since her birthday, the one where Trigon took over the world and stuff. I think that after that happened her emotions weren't nearly as dangerous as they were before, but she was so used to hidding them that nothing changed. She has been slowly showing them more, though.

I really look into this stuff too much.

So, anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, we were having pizza after finally deciding what to have, and then I just froze. Raven asked me what was wrong, sounding concerned, which helped a bit, but I was still, like, frozen, with a slice of pizza half in my mouth. I froze because, guess what? I heard Terr- _Tara_ talking with her friends. So, I turned my head and saw her sitting down on the table beside us with those two girls who had been with her the first time I saw her after the whole turning into stone thing.

And seeing her laughing just bought back that ache in my chest, y'know? The one I had felt when she had insisted she wasn't Terra. I felt Raven put a hand on my shoulder and now she looked super concerned, pulling down her hood so that she could see me better, I think. "Gar, what's wrong?" She asked, and that's when the rest of the Titans noticed. Raven followed my gaze and saw Tara too. As soon as she did, she took her hand off my shoulder like it had burned her. "Oh." She mumbled, pulling up her hood again.

And suddenly I felt terrible, so I made myself move again. I put down the pizza and grinned, trying to act normal. "It's nothing, Rae." I told her brightly, and she just glanced at me. The look in her eyes made me chill. I don't know why. She liked Terra, I know she did. We all did, so why, all of a sudden, did she hate seeing her (or someone a lot, a _lot_ like her) in public?

"Yeah, right, nothing." She mumbled, taking a bite of her pizza. Her face was almost completely obscured by her hood, but I could tell that she wasn't in a good mood. All the other titans had noticed how awkward the air had become and gone back to their own conversations. I frowned and decided to leave it, but when I glanced at Tara, I saw her looking from me, to Raven, and looking ever so slightly jealous. I still don't know what to make of that. Was she Terra? Could she tell that I had a crush on Raven? Did she regret not telling me who she was? Did she wish that I would look at _her_ like that?

I try not to think about it.

* * *

**Friday 27th July 6:58 P.M.**

I haven't been able to write the last couple of days. I've been too happy.

So, the day after the whole Tara scene, I went to Raven to apologize. I didn't even know what I was apologizing for. I didn't do anything wrong, right? But, anyway, I knocked on her door. I felt nervous, and, once again, I didn't know why. I waited for a moment, before the metal door opened to reveal Raven, hood up, cloak round her body. She attempted a smile when she saw me. "Yes, Gar?"

"Uh... I just wanted to say... uh..." I didn't really know what to say. I felt like such an idiot. Why should I apologize? I don't even know why she reacted like that. She probably was just still mad at Terra for betraying them. That had nothing to do with me!

Pulled down her hood so that I could see her face, framed by her long hair (it had grown over the years) and crossed her arms, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. "Yes...?"

"I'm sorry about Terra andIkindalikeyou!" I blurted all at once and she blinked at me, taking half a step back in surprise. Internally slapped myself. I was not supposed to say that last part. I was only there to say sorry, not confess my feelings! She regained her composure with a small hum but sent me a weird look.

"What?"

"I, uh, I'm sorry about Terra..." I repeated, rubbing the back of my neck and diverting my gaze to the ground.

"Yeah, I heard that bit. Just, what was the bit after-"

"Just, when I saw her yesterday, you seemed a bit... angry?" I carried on, desperate to distract her from the second part of what I had said. I really, really didn't have the courage to say it again. I had only said it the first time by accident. I couldn't say it on purpose.

"Gar, what did you say-"

"I don't know, I think you were angry. I couldn't really tell..."

"Gar..."

"Y'know, I don't even know why I'm apologizing, I don't know what I-"

"Gar!" She semi-shouted, making me stop. I blinked and she let out a deep breath, frowning and crossing her arms again, looking up at me (I had finally become taller than her a couple of months ago - I was so pleased with myself). "What did you say after that?"

I shuffled uncomfortably and crossed my arms, pretending to be interested in the wall. "I... kinda... ish... like you..." I mumbled, and glanced at her. She was staring down at me in disbelief, and my heart sank because of _course_ she doesn't like me back, why would she? I'm the annoying one that plays video games too loud and constantly offers tofu, which no one likes. No one liked to be called creepy and boring, like he used to. No one liked being asked over and over again why they were reading instead of playing video games. Why would she like the grass stain, the one she was always calling various names and insults? That's just stupid.

But I was proved wrong when she grabbed me by the collar and pulled me into a kiss.

We've been on a grand total of one date since then. I took her to a newly opened book store/cafe somewhere in central Jump City, and she loved it. We got a seat near the fantasy section, so that she could scan the shelves as she drank her tea. We stayed there for hours, talking, laughing, generally having a good time. I even got a book out - when she had asked me why and told me that I hated books, I just told her that I thought that I could give them a chance. We both smiled at that and I kissed her.

It was the best date _ever_.


End file.
